Dec
03

Tiger Woods: Sorry he had affair or sorry he got caught?

By

This is today’s mental toughness/critical thinking question. Celebrity after celebrity gets caught cheating on his wife. It’s been happening for centuries and it will continue forever. Men, money and monogamy don’t seem to go together. But all moral judgements aside, Tiger’s public statement today sounds the same as all the others who get caught: “I’m sorry”. The truth is probably closer to “I’m sorry i got caught”. You might be sorry for one night, but three years is a long time. Tiger is probably sorry he hurt his family, but sorry for what he did for three years? probably not. Like everyone, I LOVE Tiger Woods. I love him as much today as I did yesterday. His sex life is none of my business. He’s a great golfer and thats all I care about.  The point of this post is looking at all of our actual behaviors and seeing if they are congruent with our beliefs. I hope Tiger Woods knows that his beliefs drove this behavior. That way he can adjust his beliefs and change his behavior. Otherwise, once the dust settles this will happen again and again. I won’t even begin to list the public celebrities that have fallen into this belief/behavior trap. You know them as well as I do.I’ll look forward to your comments.   Steve Siebold

Comments

  1. Sammy Rippe says:

    I am delighted that Tiger Woods is back playing. It makes the game interesting once more.

  2. Bert says:

    Steve says,

    “But all moral judgements (sic) aside…”

    Actually Steve DOES morally judge Tiger, yet Steve still LOVES Tiger, unconditionally. He will not judge his actions as they are ‘none of his business’.

    And yet in further comments Steve suggests Tiger’s actions are morally wrong. If they weren’t, why would he need to change his behavior?

    Steve, if his moral failings are really ‘none of your business’ then why are you using them as an example?

    Steve goes on to suggest there may have been some in-congruency with Tiger’s beliefs. I don’t think so. I think Tiger has beliefs that include a view that it is OK to cheat on your wife. Just be discreet. Nothing incongruous there!

  3. JT FDeBolt says:

    Unfortunately, middle-class thinkers are quick to judge a champion in his worst public moment. We see an athlete who has crossed a barrier: the first athlete ever, in ANY sport, to earn $1B–aside from his endorsements–get publicly crucified.

    Do I agree with him cheating on his wife? Hell no.

    But I will not be a follower of the middle-class thinking hordes who are quick to jump on the Tiger-bashing bandwagon. Tiger Woods has contributed far more to his field–and to society–than most people will ever fantasize to do in a lifetime.

    Judge him, slam him, hate him all you want. But deep inside, ask yourself the middle-class minds are slaying the man publicly because they believe their self-righteousness, or because in so doing, they are attempting to bring one of the greatest champions of all times down to their mediocre level.

    Be honest with yourself…

  4. Sandy says:

    Tiger is human. He’s a great example of what happens when passion and mental toughness are teamed together into a “perfect storm” to produce in this case probably the greatest golfer the world has (so far) seen. As for his transgression(s); Like almost all living organisms on the planet we are so completely and helplessly programmed. Think about how much time, money, and overall resources are squandered in persuit and carrying out of this built-in “bios”. Tiger is no diffferent than the rest of us in this respect. He is unique only by what he can do on the golf course. He cheats because he cannot help it; in his case it’s that much tougher to overcome this instinct because probably there are so many awesome babes (lol!!!) are totally in his face and all over him due to his prowess and resulting confidence, position in life, etc… picture a hungry dog and what happens when you dangle a nice T-bone steak 2 inches in front of its face, lol. My point is that I think we’re over-complicating the issue here. I feel bad for the guy since everyone is judging and in most cases condemming him. I don’t believe this has any bearing on how much he loves his kids and/or family. There are far more important issues than this – it’s like trying to argue about abortion or stem cell research. In my opinion there will never be any closure here. The guy hasn’t done anything illegal (maybe some ectasy as Mandy points out) – give the poor guy some privacy – jeeeez!!!

  5. Mandy says:

    Time and perspective are classic tools of understanding.
    Today a month later it is known that TG was deep to his nose in behavior that is unbecoming of a lower class person. He was in those LVNV holes doing illicit drugs (ectasy), according to an eye-witness/participant by the name of Susie Ogren.
    He reflects on anyone who kept or will keep his company.
    He can find redemption as a person but not as a role model.

  6. Terry Reilly says:

    It’s unfortunate that Tiger Woods’ mistakes have been publicised as he is not alone in this. And there are probably many men in the world who are secretly envious of him.

    He is probably sorry he was caught out. But he can restore his life and attitude and we should let him do this without intruding. With the mental toughness he has shown in his sport he is in a position to make a huge change and I wish him well.

    Sorry he was caught is most likely true but the gravity of this situation may make him consider or reconsider what he has done and right now it might be the watershed he needs in his life.

    One other thing: do we really know what it is like to be hugely famous? What would many others do in a similar situation?

    Maybe we should consider this point before making our judgements. Maybe we shouldn’t judge. Have we not heard this somewhere before?

    If he can turn this around for the better, then he is a true champion.

  7. Leo says:

    Ravin: Remember that “The World is Your Playing Gorund”. It’s a place to learn, grow and get fascinated. Don’t go nervous, go passionate.

  8. Min Gi says:

    Question: Is Tiger congruent with his beliefs?

    Well, I would think that we must first assess what his beliefs and values are. I don’t know about others, but mine change from time to time, sometimes dramatically, depending on the size of the shift in my perspective. I have recently started to see that monogamy is not congruent with my beliefs, and polyamorous truely reflects the love I have for all human beings.

    I have a girlfriend whom I have shared a long term relationship with, and I would hate to hurt her. I have not, and plan not to cheat. I have not been upfront about my shift in perspective just yet. Am I being congruent?

    Is it possible that Tiger experienced a shift in perspective after the marriage? For 3 years, he may have wanted to wait the divorce or being upfront about his affairs and his values because being a good father to his kids was another value. I think one can still be a great polyamorous father as long as, the wife isn’t involved. This is about being unfair to the wife by betraying her trust. When Tiger says “sorry” I think he possibly could have meant “I’m sorry, kids, I know you might not understand yet, but mommy and daddy were not meant for each other”

  9. Ravin says:

    You know mike sir,

    You said: We need to have built into human communication into education and training this kind of awareness so that people see how belief and actions work to be able to make changes and decisions before critical situations arise.

    I am realizing something. I have to be alert in every occasions of my life. I have to be prepared for critical situations. Just it is like i am moving into new segments of life. I can do this. I am bit nervous now 🙁

  10. “When situation is critical for oneself,” — Ravin

    That’s it most of the time.

    We need to have built into human communication into education and training this kind of awareness so that people see how belief and actions work to be able to make changes and decisions before critical situations arise.

    This is what Steve does in his work – opens awareness of the cause and effect relationships that produce outcomes. Mental thoughness and world class thinking are a part of that process.

    Mike

  11. Ravin says:

    I will try my best to answer your question.

    Question: what triggers one person to change beliefs and consequently behavior and not another?

    Answer: When situation is critical for oneself, what he will do, he will start thinking how he can come out from it, then his mind will use beliefs which he had developed in past. He will act upon it. Then he will find that beliefs created by him are not working to him, then he will look for change.

    here his/her behavior will give major effect on him/her. Because it creates beliefs.

    Oh my god, tiger woods had tried to kill himself, Thanks to god, wife came and take care of him. I wish, get well soon.

    Ravin

  12. What Tiger Woods is sorry for or not and why is debatable and speculative but there has to be some truth in there as there’s truth in the the observation that people have blind spots that sometimes take them down.

    Ironically, the blind spot isn’t a totally void most of the time but what’s justified against one’s best interests is a product of whatever it is that produces the blindness – the ancient tragedies are about that.

    “The point of this post is looking at all of our actual behaviors and seeing if they are congruent with our beliefs. I hope Tiger Woods knows that his beliefs drove this behavior. That way he can adjust his beliefs and change his behavior. Otherwise, once the dust settles this will happen again and again.” — Steve

    Steve points out the truth and the fact that one can adjust beliefs and change behavior or not. We’ve all know people who have gone either way.

    What I’ve noticed is the lack of public display in the news – not that I want a public display because I don’t – but the situation Tiger has put himself and his family in isn’t being reported with the intensity I would have expected.

    I’d like to see more of that less intensity less public display in situations like this.

    Question: what triggers one person to change beliefs and consequently behavior and not another?

    Mike

  13. Sven says:

    Hello,

    as far as the question about his being sorry vs sorry he got caught. I believe that with 3 years going strong he was pretty settled in his routine and yes isn’t really sorry and after a while I’m sure if not with the same girl another will arrise at some point.

    As they say once a cheater always a cheater….. And as you mentioned steve if he were to take this experience seriously and start develop new beliefs and this would drive a change in his attitude and behavior.

    Do I lose my respect for him, I’d have to say no. To me tiger woods example was how you can excel at a passion. Be commited to what you love and you will achieve greatness. And shatter bariers. This doesn’t have go do with his family and personal live.

    Then again this makes me think oh ok just another one of those reallly famous and acclaimed person revealing that they are untouchable and bad things will one day get revealed and secrets kept will also come out. Bottom line better not do something hoping not to get caught. That’s how I can grow from this situation.

  14. One of the greatest problems in discovering the cause effect relationship between belief and outcome, between belief and behavior, is that because the belief is largly unanalyzed and habitual any thought attempting to understand this relationship will define itself to justify behavior because the thinker attempting to objectively see unto the question of belief and behavior will sbubectively define behavior to match jusified belief.

    In other words, the mind will justify choices because it doesn’t want diaparity or an incongruity to disrupt its comfort zone – its life.

    That’s one of the causes of the effect Steve calls delusional thinking and in turn the effect becomes the cause of more delusional thinking and disfunctional and against one’s best interests behavior as is the case of the topic of this thread.

    Thoughts?

    Mike

  15. Hi Steve!

    During the audio post above you talked about you (and all of us as well) looking in the mirror and asking this question… “What am I doing that’s incongruent with my belief system?”

    I understand that habitual thought creates belief, which precedes action, but I’m wondering if a better question would be… “What are my values?

    I think it’s possible the Tiger ‘believes’ what he did was wrong while at the same time placing a higher ‘value’ on the EXPERIENCE of his extramarital affair(s).

    Be Well,

    Jaroslav

  16. Leo says:

    I think rationalizing is a threat against living a healthy life. Rather than trying to find excuses of why we did something we should understand what made us do it in the first place.

  17. Transgressions, errors in judgment, affairs – all that yes they follow beliefs the cause and effect relationship is belief leads to behavior.

    Uncover the beliefs and you begin to improve your life as you keep some, delete some, and add some.

    Objective reality as I understand you to mean it, Steve, is following behavior into the beliefs that cause them and creating a mental toughness that can lead to world class success through that activity by determining your life goals and how to achieve them.

    The best of success to you.

    Mike

  18. Riley says:

    Curious why an affair is referred to as one’s “sex life”. How about “moral code”? “Integrity? Character? What one is made of?” What do vows represent, anyway? Nothing? Clearly one who violates their marital commitment, was not committed. Without committment, what does a marriage have? Does this change my feelings about Tiger? Yes. He’s a HUGE disappointment. He has HUGE committment to his game, and those rewards have been astounding. Sad that he may not make the same claim for his marriage.

  19. Jamaal says:

    Well, Steve, i stand corrected, i just read what seems to be confession, so, the above post is response enough. Good day my friend…

  20. Jamaal says:

    When did he get caught, so far it’s just speculation, or do you have inside info the masses don’t to able to suggest he’s guilty. Steve i love what you’re doing and i respect you much and that’s why i want a response from you.